Today we resisted the little voices in our heads that were saying things like, “Don’t go into Wisconsin Dells, you idiots” and “You’ll be sorry” and took a boat ride on the Upper Dells. We parted with about $25 a head and climbed down some steps from the main tourist-pinching area to the waterfront where we boarded a 40 ton river monster with two engines and little steering capability. The boat ride ended up being pretty nice although the guide narrating the cruise told really corny jokes.
The Dells are a name given to the area where the Wisconsin River cuts through a gigantic sandstone formation with very pretty results. The rock is highly stratified so it looks like enormous stacks of pancakes where it is exposed adjacent to the river. They let us off the boat a few times in selected spots where they had walks into narrow canyons cut by tributary streams and it is pretty spectacular. At one stop there is a chimney rock free-standing just a short distance from a promontory and they had a German Shepard jump across. Some early photographer took a stop-action picture of his nephew jumping across the gap but he had lousy reflexes so it took about 20 takes. If the kid screwed up, the penalty was death because it is about 50 feet to the ground if you go into the gap. The picture of the kid in mid-air was used to show to folks to induce them to come to this part of Wisconsin to have their pockets emptied.
We are absolutely flummoxed about which way is north in this part of the world so we departed the boat ride and drove around the town without seeming to ever go in the direction we desired. We did find a meat market with the creative name of “The Meat Market” and departed with a bunch of bratwurst and some overpriced but hopefully tasty cheese. We also found a great liquor store yesterday so I will have to reduce my condemnation of Wisconsin Dells since I now know this is not merely a hellish tourist trap but a hellish tourist trap with a good boat ride, a stock car track, a good meat market and a good liquor store.